Broken By Death

My heart just hurts.  Yesterday morning I got the worst kind of phone call you can get.  My stepbrother, 25 years old, had died.  He was senselessly killed by a hit and run driver.  We can only cling to the knowledge that he died instantly...there was no pain, no knowledge of impending death.  That doesn't make it easier, but does give a little comfort.

My stepfather has his unconsolable moments.  Moments where the tragedy of it all comes flooding back, moments where you can't help but wonder, "What if?"  We are a family wracked with grief.  This young man had a heart of gold...made some mistakes, but was on the road to cleaving with our Lord.  I'm told that in the two weeks prior to his death, he was hardly ever seen not reading his bible.  He was a saved soul, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

My husband is down in NC dealing with the aftermath of his sister's death, and our little family had just started to feel like things had calmed down a bit from that and our dog's death.  But God shook it up again.  Don't get me wrong, I don't blame Him.  I just can't fathom having the strength to deal with all this.  I was exhausted before...I don't even know what to call what I'm feeling now. 

I believe death is not the end, so I can rest my hope peacefully in the knowledge that I will one day again see my beloveds...but I'm still a heart-broken wreck. 

Please hold your loved ones tight, and tell everyone just how much you love them-because you never know when you won't have that opportunity again. 

One day, Two deaths

Where do I begin?  The death of my 44-year-old sister-in-law has rocked our family to the core.  She was my husband's only living sibling.  She was bipolar and an alcoholic, so she was not always easy to deal with.  But when she was sober she was a wonderful woman.  She was always bringing the kids all kinds of things they would enjoy.  And man, what a cook!  The memories of the good times will live forever in my mind:)

His parents have both passed away as well as his grandparents and uncle.  He keeps losing family members...gonna have to talk to God about this. 

This happened the same day our dog died.  He was old (almost 10) and had a tumor on his leg-we assumed he probably had one inside as well.  We feel grateful that he did not suffer and was not in pain in the days before his death.  He was the greatest dog anyone could ever ask for.  I remember when my son was a toddler and would yank on his ears and lips (he was a Boxer), and Tiger would just calmly let him.  When he got fed up, he just walked away. Never growled or snapped.  In fact, he would wrap his lips around his teeth when he would "bite" while play fighting.  Great dog.

One bright spot of my week:  I got a job!  I am now the communications controller--aka receptionist--at Adams & Garth.  Staffing Solutions is what we do.  The phone is constantly ringing, people are always in and out filling out paperwork and doing interviews.  I have to make appts and call new applicants.  It is so busy that I have to make sure I watch the clock for 3:00 so I don't end up there till 5:00! 

I'm so grateful for the distraction work has provided from all this grief.  I am just praying for uneventful days..and I'll try to remember to be grateful for boring days in the future. 

Busy Bee

WOW--this week has been so full!  And it's not over yet... 

Luckily, I had time to sit and fire off 15 emails in a row:)  I'm making my list for tomorrow and I decided I'm not going to do anything else important tonight.  The laundry will still be there, and the floor will still need vacuuming.  Tomorrow will be busy, but productive.

I have to balance the checkbook tomorrow...and find room in our budget for everything.  Have I mentioned the fact that I'm trying to find a job???  This is depressing and stressful. 

I also have to find some time to make scarves for a Christmas charity I've been involved with for several years, and my crafts to sell.  Maybe it's not the time but the motivation that I need.  I'll just pray for it all to miraculously get done....that should work, right?

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

I'm getting a little irritated with the job search, to be perfectly honest.  I'm really hoping it has something to do with the economy...not that I'm just not employable.  I really feel like I deserve a shot, but there are so many folks out there looking also-and they're all better qualified than me!

I'll just have to focus a little more on my craft projects (they'll bring in some money nearer to Christmas), and volunteering at the schools.  And I'll need to do more at home...baking, cleaning, organizing.  Too bad I've been to depressed about not working to get much done around here.  I'll try to channel that negative energy into a cleaning frenzy:)

Bring on the interviews!!!

A little nervous...

So maybe carefree wasn't the best choice of words-although I have thoroughly enjoyed my freedom.  Now begins the job hunt; part-time work is hard to find.  Unfortunately, I don't have a degree and that just complicates everything.  I stand at a crossroads and I'm really confused as to which way I can turn.  Not that there are a lot of choices, but all the choices I do have are so different.  I'm thinking I'll just have to take what I can get!

Wish me luck on my new adventure:)

Fab Finds

I have not felt so carefree in a while...after training the lovely Crystal, I am now unemployed:)  So what was the first thing I did?  Sign up as VP for the PTO at Luke's school--and the labels (box tops) coordinator.  It'll do.

One of the first days free of my phone and computer was errand day.  I went and explored the Habitat for Humanity's ReStore.  You can find some great deals in there.  And if you're in the market for some tile, there's a ton of it--especially if you're in the creative mood to use different sizes and colors. 

Another of my errands was the health food store (Fresh Air).  Got some great stuff, and as I was leaving, I decided to pop into the fabric store next door (Cotton Gin).  They have some amazing fabrics, especially upholstery-weight fabric.  I was working my brain pretty hard to come up with an excuse to buy some of these gorgeous prints, when I happened to walk by this rolling bin full of scraps.  I kept walking until my brain registered the price--50 cents per scrap.  Some of these scraps were over a yard, and I got some real leather; unbelievable!  And the best part?--I only paid $10 for the whole bag!

But, it did take me an hour to sort through the whole bin and match the colors and textures for the specific projects each would be used for.  I never imagined I'd find all i needed in that one bin!  Of course, now I need to find a place with some great accessories like buttons and clasps for dirt-cheap.  Any suggestions?

it's the little things

I just finished reading a novel that included several Amish characters-what a lifestyle!  The discipline it must require to deliberately deny yourself of so many things we "Englishers" take for granted every day is astounding.  Forgiveness, selflessness, and peace surround these communities.  Throughout the book characters continued to say that they were only human, but it's so easy to see them as angels or saints. 

In a strange way related, a friend recently sent me an email of an eyewitness to Austria's seemingly being hypnotized by Hitler.  Her account mapped out the slow, slow takeover-such that no one ever blinked an eye.  But by the end, they were obviously doomed.  And she wrote of history I had never heard about in the time after the war.

I am humbled this week to grasp how little I know about so much.  I try every at every opportunity to do something kind for another soul, and I know that I am storing up my treasure in heaven--but my minute-to-minute life does not always scream out Jesus' name.  I realize that my job here on earth right now is to prepare this small family's next generation for a future in which they will affect circumstances.

I heard a quote recently that spoke to me:  You are the only bible some people will ever know.

My prayer is for peace and contentment in the knowledge that it is in the small, sometimes unseen acts that we are most often smiled upon by God.